My Battle with Anxiety

I am 5 years old, sitting in front of the TV, eating, and watching my favourite programs. In my mind I am in this wonderful Hollywood setting far away from the yelling, crying, shouting, the smell of alcohol and fear. Food comforts me and joy to cope with the toxic environment at home. 

That’s when I decided that I would be the perfect child with no issues and if I were that perfect child, everything around me would be perfect. I have lived my life as a little adult. An achiever who can take care of herself does not need any help and does not cause any trouble. Later on, as the perfect teenager, I also had to look perfect. Exercised like crazy, and starved me to achieve that perfect picture of my imagination.

 

My stomach started to suffer the consequences, IBS along with diarrhoea became my everyday life so I had to take tablets just to make it through the day. 

After two degrees I am moving to London to become an Event Manager. I was climbing the corporate ladder and learning a lot during every step.

I had the urge to become successful and to know everything straight away.

 

Saying yes to every extra task as I don’t want to show weakness. Working all day made me overstressed and overworked but my anxiety was pushing me towards perfection.

 

The fear that I am still not good enough kicks in but failure is still not an option. I want to be liked and respected by trying to please others and proving that I am good enough.

 

The pressure of my own making was becoming too much, and  I was collapsing under it. I felt like I couldn't deal with life as I was used to.

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My stomach was suffering the consequences of my earlier life along with rising anxiety levels.

 

Fortunately, a leg accident happened at work and showed me a completely different direction in life.

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Somebody recommended Reiki to ease my pain and I decided to try it. As it turned out, one session was enough to heal the pain in my leg. I also started realising what a wonder the human body is and how it can improve itself.

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I was amazed and started to understand myself on a deeper level. This experience also opened my eyes to other alternative therapies.

 

I  found myself craving a calmer office job that would allow me to have a life outside of the workplace. Guess what! My bravery to change jobs paid off. The new one allowed me exactly what I hoped for. I could now dedicate the necessary time to gain formal qualifications in various alternative therapies while also progressing in my office job with moves into admin, events management and even some HR experience.

Working in a calmer environment also allowed me to plan proper breaks and holidays.

I love travelling and exploring different countries, but my IBS was still not allowing me to fully enjoy these experiences. When I tasted something, I ended up running for the toilet. When planning a city break I also had to check the city’s toilet map as well to feel safe. During a winter break in Malta, something changed in me. I decided that I had enough. In such a beautiful country, we were sitting in our rented car and exploring the wonderful cities but I was completely fed up that my IBS was messing up yet another holiday for me. I  could not enjoy any meal without stressing about what was going to happen after.

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I clearly remember the moment when I was shouting: “Enough is enough.” I was truly furious:  “This has to stop now.” “This has been messing with me forever and it must end now”.

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Suddenly something inexplicable happened. Something shifts in my brain and all my digestive problems begin to be resolved with that sudden shift. No more diarrhoea, no more anxiety before meals and no more mapping up public toilets.

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When I was back in London, I started to dig deeper to find out how the brain works. How can a sudden switch resolve this condition which had made my life hell for so long?

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Besides exploring the energy healing techniques I became interested in mindfulness and the Silva method as well. This journey put me on a course toward modern psychotherapy which ultimately led me to hypnotherapy.

This science of the mind completely fascinates me, especially the pain-free way of getting rid of anxiety, fears, phobias and traumas. It is especially mind-blowing how we can boost our confidence and reach our goals by accessing a deeper part of our brain.

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I learned more and more about my issues such as anxiety, my relationship with food, childhood traumas, and my constant aim for perfection, all of which ultimately led to IBS, anxiety attacks and weight problems.

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Suddenly I had an epiphany: it is never too late to start afresh and ‌change your way of thinking and take a new direction in your life. Since these huge life-changing decisions are never easy to make, I turned to my mentors I met during my healing journey for assistance.

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I decided that I would dedicate my life to helping people to improve their lives with energy healing and to combine my services with psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.

I have always been interested in arts and learned the therapy aspect of it as well as how you can express your feelings through drawing, crafting and creating.

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